


but tonight you're a stranger (some silhouette)

by luvyle



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn, some light role reversal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22205239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvyle/pseuds/luvyle
Summary: The kingdom of Arendelle is preparing to welcome her new sovereign.Queen Anna the FirstorKing Runeard escapes death in the forest and changes occur consequently. The sisters are separated because of Elsa powers but their treatments will be different because of the king's hatred for magic.
Relationships: Anna/Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 71
Kudos: 153





	1. Between past and future

**Author's Note:**

> Well I didn't think it would happen. I'm pretty new to this fandom but too many ideas were on my mind and I'm kind of obsessed since I set foot on the Elsanna ship.  
> Sorry for the mistakes, english isn't my first language. 
> 
> Hope you like this story :)

King Runeard. The mighty monarch. The one who had allowed the kingdom to prosper. Who had escaped the Great Threat. Whatever it means. The story was old, at that time even the Prince Agnarr was just a boy, even younger than Anna to this day. The legend had been forgotten, not the statue commemorating the event. It had always been there, enthroned in the middle of the town square, visible even from the castle. The raised sword overlooking Arendelle almost menacingly, something vicious in the eyes of stone of a younger Runeard. 

For Anna, he had been an attentive grandfather, someone solid to lean against upon the death of her parents. He had taught her everything, allowing her to follow him in his daily life. Step by step, he had prepared her for the fate that awaited her, for that crown that he seemed to wear with ease. How to be a queen, great like him, tough in politics and fierce in battle. While the princesses of other kingdoms were learning the arts of the court, neglected by the throne, he had made her his heiress. 

No matter if she was born second. 

King Runeard had a son and this son had two daughters. Elsa, the first born, and Anna, the second, logically the spare. But the natural order had not been respected for long. 

Even though she was young at the time, Anna remembered the time when everything had changed. When her sister had become like a ghost haunting the palace. Barely seen around a corridor before disappearing into her room. With the door always locked. Games were no longer shared and, soon, Elsa became a subject that no one really discussed. Anna had tried, at the beginning. She quickly learned not to do it in the presence of the king, his voice rising at the slightest mention of his older granddaughter. Even with her parents, Anna had learned to keep quiet. But not for the same reasons. There were too many tears in their eyes when she was too curious. 

Even if Runeard had been good with her, Anna had always feared him a little. That part of him who seemed so hateful of Elsa, even when she was just a kid. 

Wiping away a tear, Anna closed her eyes and leaned against the railing. She breathed salt and the smell of the summer sun radiating from the stones. Night was falling, sign that she's been here for too long but nobody came to disturb her. It would probably be the last time that she would know this tranquility. Tomorrow, her time would belong to the kingdom.   
She always believed that this moment would come later. At eighteen, she had already known too many deaths. First, three years ago, her father, the heir, and now the actual king, her grandfather. Their disappearances had made her the next in line for the throne. 

For the first time in a long, long time she felt alone. Truely alone. She had the feeling that no one really understood her. That complexe pain that she had in her heart. That fear that crushed her belly. She was going to be queen with no one to walk beside her. No one to support her. 

Deep inside her, there was this little voice. The one who wondered if she was really the right person. If Elsa wouldn't have been better. After all, Anna was just a thief. She had stolen all her rights to her sister. She felt like a usurper. Even if she hadn't wanted it, it was the truth. The thought had always inhabited her and was all the more present now that Runeard was not there. If only she could have talked to Elsa. Know her feelings. She could have allayed her doubts. Not that she deserved it. Anna had made no effort to talk to her in months. For a year maybe. Everything had accelerated with the death of their parents.Time passed too quickly. She was ashamed to confess that she didn't even care about Elsa those last few weeks. The report was saddening. 

The truth was that her sister was just a stranger now. A truth that remained painful. 

"Your Highness ?"

She hadn't even heard Kai's step getting closer. In a sigh, she straightened her spine. From now on she should appear royal, even with the old attendant. 

"Yes, Kai ?"  
"It's getting late, you will get cold."

She forced herself to smile, her lips stretching but her gaze remaining sad. A burning fire couldn't have warmed her today.

"Thank you, Kai. Just one more minute."  
"Of course, your Highness."

As she turned her eyes towards the statue one last time, a flash of courage struck her. 

"Kai ?"  
"Yes, your Highness ?"

She hesitated for a second, her slightly reddened cheeks giving away her trouble. 

"Does my si-" she said, swallowing a word that she hadn't spoken for a long time. "Does the princess Elsa had confirmed her presence tomorrow ?"

She felt like a child, ashamed to hope for something she did not deserve. 

"I don't know, your Highness, but I can question Gerda."

Her heart was beating too loudly in the silence who followed. Anna almost refused the tacit offer but the words went beyond her thought. 

"Please." 

He withdrew after a nod and a bow, leaving her again in that strange loneliness which would be her new normal.


	2. Bittersweet

Her hands were shaking.

Behind the doors of the cathedral were gathered all the nobility of the kingdom and neighboring countries. Kings and queens who had respected her grandfather and had come to honor his memory by welcoming her in their ranks. Anna was not stupid, she knew that they were mostly there to ensure that old agreements would be respected. Maybe also to make new deals, more advantageous for them, with a young and inexperienced queen. She was going to have to prove herself quickly. For Arendelle. 

Under the gloves, the signet ring of king Runeard – bless his soul – formed a funny shape around her thumb, only place she could slip it without losing it immediately. Later she should have it adjusted but she wanted to keep a trace of her grandfather a little longer. No doubt she was weak to do so but there had always been this softness in her when it came to her family. The tiara that she should wear in her daily life would be the same as her mother's but with the precious gems adorning the paternal crown. 

From Elsa, she had nothing. Even if she was pained to know that she wouldn't be here for her big moment, it wasn't a childish revenge. She didn't want to mix the dead and the living, as if out of fear of casting a curse on her sister. Anna didn't want to lose anyone else.

"Her royal highness, princess Anna of Arendelle."

The doors opened, a heavy silence reigning between the holy walls. It was as if nobody dared to breathe. In response, Anna's pulse quickened. 

Her step carried her to the altar but she didn't feel the ground under her feet. She felt overwhelmed. Only the habit, built in her muscles since childhood, pushed her foward. Kept her head high and her posture regal. She could do it. She had no choice. It was one of those moments where it was fight of flight and Anna had never backed down from an obstacle. The little voice deep inside her tried to express something but she was quickly shoved aside by her pride. 

She forced herself to breathe. To bulge her torso as she had seen her grandfather do so often. She had to make him proud. 

Three more steps and she would face her destiny. 

The corner of her eye found a void in the first row where the royal family should have been. She may have prepared herself for it, it hurt anyway. Just a flash of silvery blond hair would have been reassuring. 

She forced herself to swallow the feeling. She was no longer a child. 

\- - -

The middle of the night. A moment that Anna knew little about. She had always been an early bird, always ready to enjoy the sun, to be a part of the natural cycle. After dark, sleep came easily to her. Even after the death of her parents insomnia had remained foreign for her. Diving into a world where they still existed and where she didn't have to think was too tempting. Rehashing just wasn't in her character. 

Yet, she struggled to fall asleep. Some strange buzz waved her body, making her restless. The day had been too loaded and her feelings were all over the place. The fatigue stayed, there was the most frustrating. She only wanted to sleep, recharge her batteries while she still could. Tomorrow would be another long day.

But the moon was rising, always higher, and her bad mood followed the ascent. 

An incomprehensible grumbling escaped from her lips. She had to move. Maybe wandering around would help. Chocolate was also a good option. It was not very royal of her but she couldn't change in a day. Apart from a few guards, she was not likely to meet many people at this hour. They were lucky to sleep. 

She slipped out of her room silently, a quilt draped over her shoulders. The fire would likely still burn in the kitchen and she didn't planned to linger in the hallways.

Walking quietly throught the palace was easy when she knew each shortcut and secret passage. She even took care to avoid the sentries, not in the mood for even a few words. 

"Weird..."

The kitchen door was ajar, some oil lamps projecting a warm light on the stone walls. In the hearth, the fire cracked vigorously but the temperature seemed to drop ten degrees upon her arrival. 

Exactly when she spotted someone perched on a counter. Her presence had also been noticed, the rattling of cutlery abruptly stopping. 

If Anna had something in her hands it would have crashed on the ground. She didn't have as much control as the woman who gently placed the plate by her side. 

"El-"  
"Your Majesty." Elsa had cut her quickly, coming down from her perch and arranging her outfit, clearly embarrassed. 

Anna had already seen this eagerness. This way of behaving, as if taken in a compromising position. The servants often acted like that with her grandfather. She should get used to them doing it with her. But we were talking about her sister. Her elder. The attitude revolted her. 

Yet, too shocked, she says nothing. 

She was petrified in the middle of the kitchen. It was like a ghost suddenly appeared before her eyes. No doubt she would have reacted better in front of a phantom. 

After so many years. Coming across Elsa like that was too startling. 

"Elsa..."

Just a whisper. She pinched her arm to reassure herself that she was not dreaming. _Good. It hurt._ She had often dreamed of this instant. The reality of the reunion put at shame by her imagination. Her arms should have been around her sister's shoulders. And where were the tears of happiness ? 

"You're different." Anna felt silly. Why couldn't she find the words ? She ran a nervous hand through her hair. _Please, say something clever._ "Silly me. Obviously you're different, it's been-"  
"Thirteen years."

At least, Anna hadn't been the only one to count the years. Did that mean that Elsa cared ? The five years old in her fussed just at the thought. 

Elsa. Elsa was here. In front of her. Alive and older. Reality caught up with the queen and she rushed to her sister, arms outstretched to embrace her. 

"Elsa, I missed you so much."

She should have expected it. Time changed people and she was just a glorified stranger to Elsa. See her move away, uncomfortable, panicked even, was another blow that she took directly in the heart. 

"Please don't come near."

Elsa's arm was lifted as a protection but she hastened to wring her hands, her face almost ashamed. 

Anna wondered for a moment if it was really her sister. A stupid thought but she was too different. Just a stranger wearing a familiar shell. But her eyes weren't lying. She would have recognized that eyes anywhere, it doesn't matter if they're drowned by emotions she had never seen in Elsa. 

"What happened to you..."

Regrets tasted bitter on her tongue. 


	3. Elsa's reminiscences (1)

(Thirteen years ago)

It's her fault. It's all her fault. If only she had listened to her parents. _It's our secret. Don't tell anyone. Don't show it at anyone. Not even Anna. It's our secret. She's too little for that. Anna don't know how to keep secrets._ The thought was revolting because hiding something from Anna was like lying to herself. But her parents were adults, tall and smart, and she had too much respect for them to doubt. So she kept it a secret, even when she discovered that blood tasted like iron the first time she had to bite her tongue to physically restrain herself from speaking. 

But it was one of these night where everything was quiet in the palace. Winter was well established, the cold controlled by a burning fire in the chimney. The family had gathered in a small living room for the evening. Diplomatic visits were slowed down by the weather and Agnarr and Iduna seemed to have all the time in the world. The book in her father's hand was an epic fiction and not one of those boring volumes that he had started to give her during study time. He was relaxed in a big chair, his blond hair turning to gold in the light of the flames. Her mother had long occupied a sofa with Anna literally spread over her before getting up in a chuckle when the snoring became too loud. She was obviously lost for the night, her five years of life powerless against sleep. 

Everything was perfect, lulling her in a false sense of safety. 

Those stupid gloves. Under the precious silk, her fingers were soaked and made her movemements clumsy. Earlier, Anna had asked her to do one of those paper birds and her attemps were unsuccessful. Even so Elsa was sure she understood the technique taught by the ambassador's son with whom they had played a few days ago. A third sheet of paper had been crumpled into a ball and sent into the fire when she lost patience. It was rare enough to be noted. Her calm often earned her compliments. But she didn't like failure, especially when it concerned her little sister. Disappointing her was out of the question. 

So the gloves went away. 

When the heat hit her bare skin, she sighed softly. The feeling was pleasant, liberating. Even if she was used to the gloves, she would have liked it to be otherwise. She stirred her knuckles towards the fire, eyes closing for just a moment. 

Twenty seconds of perfect freedom. 

Until hell broke loose. 

Everything had happened so fast. So fast that her mind hadn't had the time to understand. Really understand. 

The silence was deafening. Like calm before the storm. The exact opposite of the sudden noise heard a few heartbeats earlier. A crash of metal that had taken her by surprise. 

It had only been a reflex. A stupid slip of her power. A flurry of snow had escaped from her fingers directed towards the fire which died in a spitting of smoke. 

_Don't show it at anyone. Especially to your grandfather._ Now she understood why her father always looked so severe when he told her that. The seriousness was up to the threat. 

The roar of the king was what got her out of her shock. His face was contorted with too many emotions for her to identify them all. Anger dominated him, his whole body tense and ready to pounce. The worst was that blade in his hand, his precious knife that she had always seen hanging from his waist. The same knife he used to cut apple wedges when she was staying in her office for long discussions about a monarch's duties. Although it was still the same man, she no longer recognized in him the one she admired. This bright-eyed grandfather who declared that she would be his greatest pride. Who perched her on his shoulders during long walks in the orchards. The one in front of her had a crazy look in the eyes, something that seemed to say he was ready for anything. 

She noticed the tears when they rolled down her throat, freezing there uncomfortably. Clouds of steam escaped from the king's mouth as if he was a furious bull. 

Elsa had lost control. Cold waves rippled around her in response to her fear. Soon even the snow started to fall in small flakes who weighed down whenever her grandfather took a step. At this pace it would soon hail in the palace. 

"Monster !"

Everything was going too fast and too slowly at the same time. The scene seemed to take hours to unfold before her eyes. Yet she couldn't run away. Her feet were stuck to the ground. 

"Don't touch her !"

Her father's reassuring back suddenly blocked her sight. She could see all of his anger too, in his posture and in his voice he normally never raised. The emotion was reassuring in him. He was like a shield standing between her and the danger. She wanted to hang on to him as she did when she was younger. To hide her face in his jacket and let herself be lulled by the familiar scent. But the distance widened between them when he tried to take the weapon in the king's hand. 

That's when Iduna arrived in the room, alerted by the cries. She only observed the situation for a second before joining her daughter's side. 

"It's ok, sweetheart. Calm down."

Her voice didn't seem so convinced despite her efforts. 

"Breathe. Please, for me. In and out."

Breathe. The concept had been forgotten by Elsa who was just taking tiny breaths among the sobs. 

"I'm here. We're here. Daddy and me, we will never let anyone hurt you. You're safe."

With her mother curled so tight around her, forming like a cocoon with her body she dared to believe her. Even when the men were still fighting nearby, insults raining like a stone rain on her heart. 

_A monster. An abomination. A shame for the family._ The king stressed the importance of not letting their blood be spoiled. 

"In and out, Elsa. Good."  
"My blood can't run in this _thing_. It's impossible. Are you sure about your wife ? You're just a boneless coward. She shouldn't have been afraid of the consequences if she had fuck a troll."

BAM. 

The king found himself sprawled on the ground. The knife with whom he had threatened Elsa now in his son's hand. 

"Never talk about them like that again. You understood me ?!"

The blade had come to press against the king's throat as a threat. 

"And what are you going to do ? I'm the king !"

A moment passed. The mood suddenly changing. Eye to eye, the two men had exchanged a silent conversation and something in Agnarr's gaze had allowed him to take control. 

Almost. 

"If this _thing_ comes before me again I swear before the gods that her head will be planted on a spike in front of this cursed forest !" 

Elsa saw her father tense up, the knife pressing harder on the king's throat before being removed. 

"Iduna."

He had not turned around, hadn't said more, but that was enough for her mother to straighten her and move her towards the door. Agnarr followed them, covering their retirement. 

Elsa was barely in the hallway when the king spoke again. 

"You will be the one to blame the day it will cost you your daughter. Think about it, Agnarr."

It wasn't until a few hours later, buried under the blanket of her parents' big bed, the two adults huddled around her, that Elsa understood what he meant. _Anna._

The king seemed persuaded she was going to hurt Anna. The seed had been planted in the fertile soil of her fear. 

Suddenly, she was not so sure she could prove him wrong. 


	4. I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart

An answer. That was all she asked. For years, she had been patient. She had taken care not to hurt the others' feelings despite her own. She had waited and waited again. Waited outside the door of Elsa's room. Waited for her parents to tell her about this secret that took up so much space in their lives. In _her_ life.

But she had only encountered failures. Silence. Closed doors. 

Until she stopped caring. 

It wasn't a matter of choice. She had to distance herself to survive. She had enough of lonely tears. She forced herself to grow, putting aside that little girl who just wanted her heroine back. She had stopped dreaming of fairy tales and knights coming to rescue her. She had grasped the sword that the king held out to her and had started to slay the dragons herself. 

Despite all her efforts, seeing Elsa was enough to make her travel back in time. She was this little girl again, confused and too fragile in front of someone who could easily break her heart. 

Thirteen years later and still no answer. 

"Please talk to me, Elsa."

She hadn't begged like that for so long and she shouldn't have done it now that she was queen. But who was going to judge her ? Herself, maybe. She felt so weak. A part of her couldn't bear this whiny attitude. Not because she was the queen but because she shouldn't have stooped to that. She deserved better after all the efforts she had made to get out of the harmful cycle. 

"It's been years and it's like fate has brought us together."

Despite everything, she was unable to stop talking. Unable to stop trying. Maybe that would be her only chance. Who could tell that Elsa was not going to disappear again ? She already had enough regrets. Remorse would be easier to bear. 

"Why didn't you come to the coronation ?"

She knew immediately that she had made a mistake. The subject was too sensitive. Elsa's features were twisted, her fists clenched against her body. But the words flowed by themselves. Like a wave taking everything in its path, unable to stop before smashing against the cliff. 

"I wanted you to be there. As I wanted you to be by my side when we lost mom and dad."

Elsa was hurting, Her eyes made glossy with pain. They reflected Anna's pain. Maybe it was the only thing that had united them all these years. 

"Hell, I even wanted you to be there when Grandpa died. He was so important to me. I couldn't have done it without him."

Admitting it was like a blow to her ego. The event was recent and she was no longer a child. She shouldn't have wanted to be comforted by her big sister that much. Yet it was the first thing she had thought of. Not the kingdom, not her future. Elsa. Because there were only the two of them left. Elsa was her only family. 

Because she felt ashamed of this confession she had looked away. She had ignored the signs. She hadn't seen this new emotion in Elsa's eyes, the blue sharpening, getting colder. The filaments of ice going up along Elsa's arms. The swirling flakes around her hands. She only noticed the cold that made her shiver and rub her arms in a reflex. The gesture broke the tension and when she looked up at her sister it was only because she had loudly exalt a cloud of pale mist. She was more closed than ever, as if gigantic walls had been built around her. 

"Elsa-"  
"You should go to sleep."

_That's it?_ Apparently yes. Elsa had bypassed her without a look. And still without answering her. 

"Stop ignoring me !"

Too loud. She had seen Elsa jump before she even grabbed her arm. She had to stop her. _Not again. Don't leave me again._

"Anna, let me go."

Panic was barely contained in her voice. Anna hesitated yet unable to let go. She was already too far. She was a mess, tears running down her cheeks while her breathing became labored. 

"Not until you answer me. Give me something. ANYTHING."  
"Please, Anna. I don't want to hurt you."  
"So stop acting like that ! There is nothing that hurts me more." 

The grip she had on Elsa's arm loosened. She no longer had the strength to fight. Not for the two of us. The crying became a heartbreaking sob when Elsa took the opportunity to escape. 

Her sister was like the others. They always left. Anna should have known. She was never good enough. 


	5. The moment of truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't expect to leave you so long on this cliffhanger. I'm sorry ;w;   
> As an excuse, I can tell you that it's the last chapter without Elsanna moments. There's still a long way and obstacles ahead but at least they will no longer be separated. 
> 
> And thank you so much for the reviews. You made my day with your reactions and encouragements. I'm not quick to answer them but they deeply touched me.

Unconsciousness was like a blanket wrapped around her to protect her from the outside world. After a difficult journey to her room and more tears, exhaustion had finally won. Not a single dream had troubled her as it seemed that the reality was already enough nightmarish. 

But she couldn't escape indefinitely. Even the queen was accountable. _Especially_ the queen. 

A few knocks on the door remained unanswered. Anna's sleep had barely been disturbed. Moment later, the hinges creaked a little under the push of the housekeeper who noted to have them oiled. She made her way through the dark room, instinct pushing her towards the curtains. A hand clasped on the thick fabric, she decided otherwise. The child she cared for wasn't just difficult about waking up today. Quietly, she approached the bed and pulled the covers to reveal a mess of red hair. 

"Your Majesty. Morning is here."

No reaction. She reiterated, accompanying the words with a slight shake of the royal shoulder. Peaceful breathing quickened, Anna's eyes suddenly opening in the middle of her mop. She pushed her hair back with great difficulty, her eyelids fluttering furiously as she tried to identify the person leaning over her. 

"Gerda ? What-" She cleared her throat. "What are you doing here ? Where is Astrid ?"  
"She had a bad cough, your Majesty. I preferred to give her a task where she would not pass it to anyone. I hope my presence will satisfy you in the meantime."

_Odd_ , Anna couldn't help but think. Gerda hadn't taken care of her daily life since...years. Since Elsa had isolated herself in her room. That thought did not fail to remind her of the previous night. So, not a dream. She grimaced as she passed her hand over her tear-red eyes. Then again when the curtains were opened and a whitish light went through the windows. 

"It's still snowing."  
"What ?"

It was enough to pull her out of the ditch that her miserable condition made her dig. She made an effort to straighten up, shivering as soon as the blankets fell around her. Outside, silent snowflakes were falling. 

"It's a little early for that. The harvest fest had barely passed."

She shouldn't have been surprised. The kingdom suffered a strange climate for years. Fall snow was nothing by comparison to that summer, a lifetime ago. During an afternoon, Anna had been happy to bring out the coats and scarves to play outside. She always loved snow and saw this event as a gift for her birthday. Hours earlier, she was upset that her sister was not joining her on her special day. She had been hoping for months, this request being the only answer she gave when asked what gift she wanted. But she only had toys and books to welcome her after breakfast and the absence had never been so heavy. Then the snow had started to fall. 

But today was different. No fluffy flakes, perfect for building a snowman. The snow became water again as soon as it touched the window, turning into sad streaks. Almost like tears. 

"Kai cleared your schedule for the morning."

Anna was forced to turn her attention to Gerda, noting how her gaze stayed too long on the bags under her eyes. She lifted her chin with all the dignity left in her. 

"It will not be necessary."  
"It's already late." Seeing the questions in the queen's eyes, she continued. "You just have the time to eat and refresh yourself before your afternoon meetings."

It was not what she wanted to know. A scathing remark tried to make its way out of her mouth but she bit down the words at the last moment. Her pride was a little bruised but her attendants were right. She barely felt able to get up now, so earlier... The rest had been a necessity. 

"I will ask that your meal be served here."

Before leaving the room, Gerda smiled at her. A stretch of lips full of melancholy, yet encouraging. 

Someting woke up inside Anna. 

Gerda _knew._

\- - -

"Gerda."

Patiently she waited until the old housekeeper finished opening the curtains and turned to her.

"We both know that Astrid isn't sick."

For three days, the same routine had occurred. Gerda woke her up a little too long after dawn, had her meal brought to her room, and helped her prepare for the day. She didn't need to see Astrid to know she was in top shape. Something was going on and she was tired of it. 

Gerda took a few steps towards the bed, clearly uncomfortable. Her gaze was fleeing and she was wringing her hands. A gesture that Anna had never seen her do, even before the wrath of the former king. 

Anna felt a touch of guilt who was quickly swallowed up by her need to know. She had already been too patient. 

"I just want to know why, Gerda.What are you doing here ?"

In her voice, she heard the plea of a little girl who never got an answer. Maybe that's what decided the servant. She sighed, her shoulders bending under a weight that the queen could not have guessed present. 

"Princess Elsa asked me to watch over you for a few days."

A stupid idea crossed her mind. That still today her sister's voice had more strenght on the subjects of the kingdom than her own. But it was a petty thought. One fueled by her insecurities about her right to rule. In addition, Gerda had said that Elsa had asked and not ordered. A detail that was important. 

"Like she cares about me."

She grunted like a surly teenager. 

"You are mistaken, your Majesty. Princess Elsa always cared about you. Not a day gone by without her asking me about you."  
"It's not enough !"

Anna cried out to stop the fiery housekeeper. 

"It's not enough."

She says more calmly, fingers clenching in the blanket.

At one time she would have been so happy to hear that. But not today. Not after this reunion a few nights earlier. Elsa couldn't play with her heart like that. 

She jumped when Gerda's hand landed on her shoulder. Warm and reassuring. Tears in her eyes, Anna looked up, meeting her gaze. Despite all these efforts to barricade herself, part of her wanted more. 

"Please. I just want to understand. I'm sick of all these secrets."

Gerda sighed again. Slowly, awaiting the reprimand that never came, she landed on the edge of the bed. 

"I can only tell you what I experienced."

Anna nodded furiously, her expectations low. 

"Years ago, your mother made me promise something. I can still see her. She was petrified with fear but fierce like a lioness protecting her cub. She squeezed my hands so tight. Gerda, she said. Promise me to never leave Elsa alone. She must never be alone with the king. The same day, things started to change."

Anna suspected what day it was. Her world had exploded. The selfishness of the child she was never made her wonder if Elsa's world too broke down. It seemed obvious that it had been the case. 

"When your parents die... Well... The courier announcing the sad news was barely gone and the king was already giving orders. Even you didn't know it yet. He ordered that the princess be moved. Said that she was no longer part of the royal family. He told the staff not to interact with her anymore, to behave as if she didn't exist. Some people have been against his will. Few. The princess was already so effaced."  
"He what ?!"

She had tried to contain herself. Anna hadn't wanted to interrupt Gerda for fear of never knowing more. But she was too furious. Flabbergasted too. It was a lot at once. All of her beliefs flew away. She always knew her grandfather could be a cruel man but she thought he had some limits. What monster was going after his own family like that ? And all this for what ? 

He hadn't given Elsa a choice. 

Anna had managed to endure everything. Elsa's silence, her absence, her secrets. Despite the hurt and the anger, she kept trying to reach out for her sister. But the death of their parents had shattered her. She had cried for a long time in front of Elsa's room, begging her to open it, to talk to her at least, but the door remained closed and her sister silent. 

Because Elsa was not there. 

It didn't erase everything. Elsa still pushed her away. But at least Anna had a track to follow. She was no longer lost in the unknown. 

She knew what she had to do. 

"Where is she ? I saw her the other day, it means she still lives here."  
"In the east wing. But what are you going to do, your Majesty ?"

Anna pondered for a moment. Things had to change. Even if Elsa refused to see her, she refused to leave her the choice on certain points. She was the princess of Arendelle, next on the line of succession, member of the royal family. She would uphold this truth. 

King Runheard could go to hell, it was his place. 

"Give my own orders."


	6. Emotion is a wild thing, together we can tame it

"What were you expecting? It's not like you acted differently from him."

Anna was pacing, retracing the same pattern over and over. The carpet seemed to have seen others in her father's time, the weaving well worn and a little faded. 

The first morning after discovering the truth, she had chosen to take refuge in here, the former king's study leaving that bitter feeling in her mouth. She was no longer comfortable there after all that, every memory tainted with things she could only imagine. 

These last few days had been difficult. Her nights filled with nightmares and her days full of regrets. How could she have been so stupid ? There were just too many emotions for her to manage them decently. She was angry and ashamed because of what her grandfather had done. But she suffered too. He had been her rock. Without him, she would not have been the same. She couldn't regret everything, destroy all the good times spent with him, but she felt bad about Elsa. After all he had done to her, Anna felt horrible not being able to see only the monster in him. 

She had made sure to keep away from others, refusing to make them pay for her moods. No appointment. Little contact with servants. But there were someone she could never refuse too see. Her orders had been clear. She would receive Elsa at all hours of the day and night. The message had been transmitted to her and she had waited. And waited. And waited. She had never been the most patient, a trait of character encouraged by the king who felt that a monarch shouldn't have to wait. 

_Well, thank you for that too._

Elsa didn't show up and her patience was getting thin. She wanted to give her time, to be attentive, but every night falling was like a missed opportunity. She was afraid the timing would never be right and she couldn't imagine losing her again when she was so close. Always behind that damn door but actually there at least. 

"Why would she want to see me? Even if I had the best intentions in the world, I tore her from everything that was familiar to her. Maybe she liked to live in the east wing. It's not like I asked her about that. Or about the pretty dressses. Maybe she didn't like blue anymore. Gah, stop that, Anna."

Head buried in her hands, she uttered a long groan. She couldn't go on like this. 

"It's been ten days. Maybe I could just say hello. Or knock. Yeah, a knock doesn't seem too intrusive. She won't even have to open the door. Let's be clear, she probably won't."

Fortunately, the hallways of the palace had never been very crowded. Only advantage of not having a court. That would change but the old ways were still in place for now. Today, there was no one to see the queen talking to herself. 

The door to Elsa's room hadn't changed at all. It propelled her into the past and made her hand tremble when she touched the wood. Somehow the cool surface reassured her. The cold had always given her a sense of familiarity. 

She held her breath.

_Toc. Toc. Toc toc. Toc._

Too much, too loud. Anna winced, already taking a step back. 

Something stirred in the room. Despite the mad rhythm that her blood was beating at her temples, she heard footsteps. 

"Elsa ? It's me. Anna. Your sister."

_No kidding ! Idiot, she knows who you are._

"I just wanted to greet you."

It's not enough. Now that she was here, Anna understood it. Some part of her didn't want to be satisfied with that. She wanted to see Elsa. Really look at her. She had only a vague memory of this child she had known. Even this girl she had seen in the kitchen was enveloped in some sort of fog. 

"It's a lie."

The words had escaped and she didn't know what to say anymore. 

_The truth, maybe ? Our relationship needs it._

"I would like to be a better person. Someone who would understand you better. But I'm lost, Elsa. I know nothing will ever be the same. But I... I just... I just want to get to know you."

A sigh crept out her lips. The truth was hard to tell but she was relieved. It was one thing less in her overheated mind. 

When the door half opened, she didn't notice it immediately. 

Until she saw blue. 

Boiled wool seemed soft on Elsa's figure, hugging her gently. She looked confortable, the fire at the back of the room bathing her in a gentle glow. Yet her eyes remained on the ground, pink dusting her pale cheeks. 

No doubt she must have looked like an idiot but Anna couldn't help looking at her, oddly fascinated. Seeing her like that was different. They didn't face each other by chance but because they both chose it. 

Elsa's lips moved without a sound, frustrating her if she interpreted correctly that cute little frown. Strangely, Anna didn't mind having to wait for that. Elsa was here. With her. 

"Hi."

Just a whipser.

Laughter tried to cut through Anna's throat – so that was what was so difficult to get out – but it died just as fast. Elsa had briefly looked up, icy eyes catching her off guard. She says so much more this way. 

In a heartbeat, the door closed and Elsa disappeared. Leaving Anna in the hallway, dazzed. 

After thirteen years, she had finally met Elsa. 


	7. like a compass drawn to the north

She woke up early that morning. The sun was barely rising, spreading a soft light in her bedroom. Lying under the covers, enjoying a rare moment of peace, she was absentmindedly watching the particles dance in the rays passing between the badly closed curtains. Yesterday, her night routine hadn't been very effective. Her dress was curled up on the floor, jewelry abandoned on each crossed piece of furniture. It wasn't common but she hadn't managed to care about the mess she would leave for Astrid. 

She felt rested today. Mind finally calm. Despite the emotions experienced she had no trouble falling asleep. Even now, she was smiling, the scene replaying in her head. It was almost unreal. Elsa had agreed to see her. It had only lasted a few minutes but it was a victory. The first of a long series, she hoped. 

_She said 'hi'. It's cute. A little weird too, to think of her like that._

When Anna was a child, her sister was her heroine. She wasn't strong like the stable boy who sometimes played with them but she was smart and brave. It was not quite the same anymore. She seemed frail and scared of everything. Didn't even dare to meet her gaze. Anna too had changed. In the mirrorr, there was no longer a child or an awkward teenager. She had grown, gained muscle in addition to a few inches. Her face was more mature and that wild glow in her eyes was gone. Sometimes she had this strange feeling in her stomach when she saw her reflection, like a pinch in the guts facing a gaze that she didn't always recognize. Growing up had taught her to look away on bad days because she didn't have time for anxiety. 

Darker thoughts were trying to invade her but she chased them away like she did with the sheets. She had let herself be lazy long enough. She had work to do today to make up for the last few days. 

She chooses a pratical outfit in anticipation of the visit to the orchards this afternoon. She wanted to go there on horseback rather than having a carriage prepared. Fresh air would do her good and she could finally spend some time with Kjekk. Besides, she didn't want to give to her people the impression that she was unreachable. She wanted to prove herself among them, not stay in the old king's shadow any longer. 

"Your Majesty ?!"

Leaving her room, she almost caused an accident. Gerda had barely regained her balance before bowing. 

"My apologies, your Majesty. I have not been attentive enough."  
"Don't be silly, Gerda. It was my fault."

The servant did not seems convinced but she didn't add anything. She just pulled away, eying Anna curiously. 

"You look..."

She paused, obviously looking for the good word. Anna could hardly blame her. She felt a little different too this morning. 

"Rested."

She didn't take too big of a risk saying that. The queen just nodded, her smile betraying her enough. She could see that Gerda wanted to ask questions but now was not the time. Well... She could still give her something to chew on. 

"Can you inform the princess that I will be absent from the castle this afternoon ?"

It was only an excuse to integrate Elsa into her daily life. She was well aware that she was not accountable to her and that her sister would care little about it. Yet it strengthened her smile. Doing so was new. A good kind of new. 

She left the servant on this but stopped after a few steps. An idea had crossed her mind. She let it out before she had a chance to think too much about it. 

"And... Ask her if she would like to have tea with me after supper. I could come to her room. Don't make a big deal of it. Of course, she can refuse."

A refusal would hurt her but she would understand. For a time, the pace would be in Elsa's hands. That didn't mean she couldn't try on her side and make sure not to let chance decide their next exchanges. 

\- - - 

She had almost forgotten. Between meetings, the ride on horseback and the visit of the orchards followed by discussions with the peasants to ensure that the kingdom will lack nothing this winter, the tea proposal had gone out of her head. But now that she was in the castle, her mind was again full of doubts. Yet she did not know what was the worst. The wait or the disappointment. Stuck in between, she felt ridiculous. It would have been so easy to summon Gerda while she refreshed for the dinner. And yet.

Head immersed in a basin of cold water, she cried out in frustration. Before immediately regretting it when she swallowed water. She was still coughing, trying to catch her breath, when the answer to her questions presented herself. Gerda immediately stood by her side to pat her gently on the back. 

_Gods, I'm always ridiculous in front of her._

She shouldn't have cared, the handmaid had known her since she was just a baby but growing up she had gained dignity. Plus the fact that all of her mistakes were related to Elsa disturbed her. There was a pattern here. _Not sure I like that._

"Yes, Gerda ?"

Sign of her stupid pride, Anna had stepped aside, spine rigid and her voice regal. 

"I came to inform you that the princess accepted your invitation."  
"Oh, good."

Keep a neutral tone had not been easy. She was smiling like a fool, happy and relieved not to have been rejected. 

"But her Highness asked if it wouldn't be too disturbing for her to make the trip to your quarters."

That, she hadn't seen it coming. The request was rather curious. 

"Well, I don't see any inconvenience."

If Elsa was more comfortable in this configuration, she was happy to oblige. 

\- - - 

_Toc. Toc. Toc._

Startled, she glanced at the clock posted near her desk. _Right on time_. She shouldn't even have been surprised. Of course Elsa wouldn't be late. The most anxious part of her would have liked it. Suddenly, she didn't feel ready for that. And yet she abandoned the cushion she was arranging and joined the door. Protocol would no doubt have wanted that she doesn't bother but she was standing already and she didn't want to give Elsa the impression that she had summoned her. 

"Elsa. Hi.  
"Hi."

Again with that cute hi. Like the other night, Elsa avoided her gaze but a shy smile stretched her lips. 

"Please, come in. Make yourself at home."

_I did not say that, right?_ Anna resisted the furious urge to slap herself, her stupidity seemingly bottomless. Not only her sister was actually at home, but she had managed to tackle a supposedly painful subject in less than ten words. 

"Thank you."

Either Elsa hadn't looked any further or she was really good at hiding things. She had entered the room without even blinking at the slip-up. It was a little frustrating. On one hand, the queen did not like to feel alone in this mess, and on the other she envied that composure. She should have known that it was just a carefully constructed facade. After all, they had had the same instructor. But here she was just lost. Her emotions were amplified, her senses disturbed by the person who was Elsa without actually being her. Her memories painted her a picture, trying to bring her a false sense of security, but it unsettled her more than it reassured her. 

"It's nice of you to sacrifice a little of your time on me, I can only imagine how precious it has become."

It was just words but they had placed a new distance between them. _As if there weren't enough already._

"It's nothing."

She had long hesitated. Different answers jostling in her mind without her being able to find the courage to utter them. The false nonchalance was just a defense mechanism. 

Anna closed the door and joined the table bordering the bow-window where tea was waiting for them. A moment passed before she realized that Elsa hadn't followed her. The silence in the room was a little tense and she quickly understood why when she turned around. 

How she could have forgotten, she couldn't have said. The portrait had just been there for so long. Or at least it seemed to her. Sometimes three years was forever. 

The scene was uncanny and strangly fitting at the same time. 

The painting had to be done shortly before the separation. Back when they were all still happy and together. A family. How things had changed. 

"I thought it had been destroyed."

Anna no longer remembered exactly what led her to have it placed in her room. One day she just asked that it be moved and no one had stopped her. Seeing it every day had been as reassuring as it was painful. 

She dared to approach Elsa, nibbling away the distance. 

"Why would it have been destroyed ?"  
"Why wouldn't it ?"

That bitterness was new but at least Anna was able to understand a little where it came from. _I wonder if it's the last portrait of Elsa that remains in the castle._ After all she had learned about the latest king, nothing would have surprised her anymore. 

"You can have it, if you want. I monopolized it enough."

_I don't think I need it anymore._

"But-."  
"It's as much yours as mine."

This part of the past belonged to them both. Whatever the changes that came next. 

She resisted the urge to grab the princess's hand that she saw agitated by a slight tremor. She was too afraid of rejection. That first reunion in the kitchen carved in her mind, emerging at each insecurity. 

But like this little girl in the painting, she was unable to look away from Elsa. Her gaze like a compass drawn to the north.


	8. one step closer

When she was just a child, Anna was always unable to stay still. Calm rendez-vous like this were chores she was trying to dodge, no matter how important they were to her grandfather. Share such a moment with him wasn't even that uninteresting, he had great stories to tell, a life of conquests and adventures to share. Young Anna hated his rules. Didn't understand the need to stay put and act like a proper lady. Well, not exactly a propre lady, he had never made her stand like her mother and she was the most elegant lady she had met. Or she thought. It seemed like Elsa had managed to surpass her. It wasn't just an affair of manners. Elsa exuded something that she could only describe as regal.

_And here, I'm not able to keep my composure._

Harshly, she grabbed her leg to calm the jolt that stirred it. If Elsa noticed, she didn't comment and, for that, she was grateful. For the silence, a little less. _She's probably waiting for me to set the pace, after all I'm the queen._ She hardly restrained from rolling her eyes. 

She slowly took a sip of tea, looking for something to talk about. 

"So, did you like your room ?"

 _Good._ The subject was easy enough. 

"Yes. Thank you for your generosity."

But it didn't help much in the discussion. 

Anna looked down at her cup, annoyed by the void that seemed to be her mind. She was no longer a child, she knew how to conduct a conversation, how to make it nice for everyone. 

"I like yours. It's..warm."

Elsa's voice surprised her, making her look up and stare stupidly. She then proceeded to study the room like it was the first time that she saw it. 

"It hasn't changed that much."

 _Wait..._ Her gaze returned to the princess. 

Her quarter had stayed the same over the years. Of course, the toys were gone and she had to move to a bigger bed, but she had never felt the need to change the decoration. She loved the green walls, the knick-knacks, and these landscapes that she knew by heart. She felt comfortable here. Maybe was this also the case for Elsa. Because of that sense of familiarity. 

_And yet she still doesn't look at me._

"Can you-"

Anna took a deep breath. Perhaps she could put it differently. She didn't want it to sound like an order. 

"Why don't you look at me ? It's just me."  
"It will never be just you."

Had she seen her flinch ? She hadn't even had time to grasp the answer. The mood had changed, tension returning around them. 

"Please forgive me, I shouldn't have expressed myself like that."

She was losing ground. The tiny progress she had made was disappearing before her eyes. And all this for what ? A childish will and a sincere response ? It made no sense for Anna. She was tired of it all. 

"No, no, no, no."

The click of her cup against the table was enough to make Elsa look even smaller. Fragile like a bird fallen from the nest. When Anna moved, she made her shudder. 

_By the gods, what did you do to her ? If you weren't already dead, you would be by now._

Anger burned deep in her belly but she tried to smother the flames. She would only do more harm in this state. She forced herself to loosen her fists.

"Elsa."

She wanted to tell her that she wasn't like him but the princess had no reason to believe it. After all, he had trained her. He had shaped the woman that she was today, right ? 

She fell on her knees, trying to catch Elsa's gaze. 

"Please. I never wanted to hurt you. Or make you think I could. I'm not-"

Gently, she brought her hand to Elsa's. Desperate for just a touch. But Elsa's hands pulled away as soon as she brushed against her. As if she had been burned by her proximity. Rejection hurts but she persisted, putting her fingers on the armrest. Close enough so that she can capture the heat. 

"If I had known... I would never have let it happen. I would have been there for you."

This guilt gnawed at her. She had only been a child, but later she could have acted. Save Elsa months of suffering, maybe years. Instead, she had accepted everyone's silence. She had stopped trying. 

"You couldn't help it. It was my role to protect you. Despite it all, I do not regret it."

The sadness in Elsa's eyes seemed endless. Like an ocean in which she was afraid of losing her too.

"What do you mean ?"

Lips tied, the princess shook her head. 

"Staying away from you... It was the best thing I could do. The only thing. So you would be safe."

She never felt in danger with the king but maybe she was wrong. Nothing could have surprised her anymore. Anna did not undestand everything but it was something. A fragment of the truth coming directly from Elsa. 

She felt a light pressure against her hand, a contact she took as an invitation. Her fingers clung to the fabric, crumpling the sleeve of the pretty dress. 

"It's my turn."

Her heart quickened as words formed like a promise. 

"Let me protect you. I won't let anyone hurt you. Including me. I would annihilate myself before I hurt you."

The most frightening part was how much she believed in it. Deep down, she was so sure of herself. The very idea of hurting Elsa revolted her. Not because of the past. Not because she was the only one she had left. She felt it. The need to protect her was different. She couldn't have explained it. She didn't understand it herself. 

It was something in Elsa's eyes. Something who had silenced everything else. 

She would go pierce the heart of Jörmungandr with her sword just to keep her safe. 


	9. Transition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here begins what I consider to be part 2 of the story. Part 1 aimed to open the dialogue between Anna and Elsa, now it's time to sprinkle a little bit of spice with the development of the kingdom's plot. For that, I need to make a timeskip for practical reasons. The relationship will move a little, nothing too much. The girls will be just a little more comfortable with each other. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me and for commenting, it's a real boost.

_(Four month later)_

"Very good, Your Majesty."

Anna's lips stretched, satisfied, not because of the compliment but because of that slight breathlessness in the voice of Ser Bjorn as he got up from the ground.

They had come a long way. 

The man was behind all her martial education and he had never been one to grant her an easy victory. The first seasons under his teachings had been so horrible but he believed in the importance of always fighting tooth and nail. Even if it meant that, as a child, Anna felt more like a training dummy than a fighter. It had taken her whole seasons, even years, to get used to it. The trainings looked like nightmares that she would have given everything to avoid. Then, one day, taking the blows had become easier. Dodge them too. She was no longer a fragile noble, she didn't look like it either. Her body had strengthened, her skin becoming more rough with every cut and bruise. 

It was at that time that she had really realized her destiny. Her life had taken a sharp turn and there was no going back. One day, she would be the queen and every step that brought her closer to that moment widened the ditch that separated her from her parents. She was too different from them now and they were running out of time to try to undestand her.

Now, Anna knew why, althought that didn't change much.

"I think we have done enough for today."

The tighness in her muscles was not so terrible but the weather was nice and she had other plans. Arendellian's spring wasn't always so sweet. Only the approach of summer really chased the cold away. 

The weapon master seemed to hesitate before bowing politely. Probably understanding that this was not a suggestion. 

"As you want, your Majesty."

When he withdrew, Anna finally allowed herself a sigh and closed her eyes, face turned to the sun. She had missed the morning sessions in the courtyard. The cool air was refreshing. She felt freer during these times, all her attention focused on the fight. Well... Her smile came alive as she spread the leather of the sleeve, revealing the purple mark on her skin. Normally, she would have blamed herself for not having parried that easy blow but a tender part of her heart didn't give her the chance. 

She had been distracted. A movement had caught her eye during a decisive moment. She had seen Elsa on her balcony, her hair almost glowing in the morning sun. Pain quickly brought her back to reality but it had taken her four or five seconds to shake the daze. Then she forbade herself to look in that direction again. That didn't stop her from trying a little more harder to dominate the fight. _Show off_ , she muttered internally, her gaze going to the heights of the castle again. 

There was no one on the balcony and maybe it was for the better.

* * *

_Toc, toc, toc, toc, toc._

After a bath and a short nap, Anna had decided to put her project to fruition. She had put on one of her favorite dresses of which she calmly smoothed the tail while waiting for the door to open. With the passing days, they had acquired a few habits with Elsa. Almost every evening, they met to have tea in her room. Their discussions were often trivial but they had allowed them to get closer and for Elsa to build a little her trust, she hoped. From an outside point of view, the difference shouldn't be too obvious, but she felt it. There was a different sense of ease in their way to exist together. In addition to that, Elsa would sometimes join her for lunch in her office. 

But that didn't stop Anna for trying something new at times. Like today. 

"Anna, hi."

She felt herself smile, just happy to hear her name. It was a new development. With a lot of patience, she had managed to convince Elsa to give up her title. 

"Good afternoon, Elsa. You're radiant, as always."

Her bow was exagered but the laughter she collected was worth it. When she straightened up, that glow was there again, a touch of red coloring too pale cheeks as a shy thank you fell from the princess's lips.

"The weather is pleasant today. Can I convince you to take a walk with me in the gardens ?"

Even though she tried to give her space there was always one or two pairs of eyes directed to this hallway. The reports did not change as the days passed. Elsa rarely strayed away from her chamber. Apart for a few night visits to the kitchens, she only moved to come and see the queen or because she was in her compagny. She treated the rest of the castle like uncharted territory she didn't want to venture into. Yet she was not lacking in curiosity when they spoke. 

Anna therefore applied herself to adding the rediscovery of a new place to their program at time. She could only hope this would encourage Elsa to reclaim their home. 

"I would be honored."

Every time she offered Elsa her arm, the queen was amazed to see her accept. Physical contact remained rare but from time to time the princess tolared her in her space. It was only a small gesture but it was significant for her. That was often enough to make her smile for the rest of the day. 

"I understood that you enjoyed the view from the balcony."

The light teasing in her voice was new. She had always been a little too proud of her performance on the training ground. 

"You're a very skilled warrior."

A genuine compliment and Anna was the basheful one. 

"But you need to focus more. That blow must have been painful."

_You're the one to blame here._ Anna preferred too keep this for herself. Just like her lack of regret. 

"It's nothing. Just a little bruise."

Even though Elsa didn't seem convinced, she ends up smiling. Anna had had time to learn that she did not resist her stupid grin for long. It was in those moments that she understood she was not alone in these weirds efforts to recreate a relationship. Even if the more they advanced, the more Anna felt like leaving the past behind. She wanted to get closer to Elsa, not to that eldest sister she clung to when she was a child. The two images no longer seemed to match. She was more fond of that Elsa that of this projection of her childhood. Maybe because one of them finally stayed, where the other had never really been there. 

Often, she avoided thinking about it. She wanted a part of her life to be dictated only by her heart. A wishful thinking for a queen. 

"Your Majesty." 

The sudden appearance of a valet always meant a change of plan. She had specifically asked not to be disturbed so it could only be important. Kai understood that it was better for everyone that she was not deprived of her time spent with Elsa. 

"What, Aksel ?"

Maybe her tone was too cold. And that her gaze was no better. 

The poor man bowed even lower than usual. 

"A letter for you. The messenger said it was urgent."

She didn't pay attention to the letter on his tray right away. For a moment she had been too aware of the pressure on her arm. The tightening of Elsa's grip had been a clear sign. _Way to go, Anna._ The princess's smile was gone and she found her less open. The results of her bad temper. 

She couldn't help but blame the valet for it. Denying her education wasn't so easy. Not every day. 

No one would have dared to say that the queen was pouting but that's exactly what happened. She forced herself to take the letter gently, barely letting a thank you slip away. 

When she finally realized what she had in her hands, her smile returned. _These coat of arms._ What she read ended up restoring her good humor. 

"What a wonderful news. My friend Hans is coming to visit us."

It was a little more than that. He was on a diplomatic visit on behalf of his father but the two families had always been close. It was just an excuse. 

"You will love him, I'm sure. Hans is a great man."

She also had no doubts that Hans would like Elsa. That he would be happy to know that she had someone by her side. He always insisted that she put more effort into building relationships. That her mentors and her grandfather weren't enough. She wasn't exactly lonely. There was always an event at the castle or a visitor. But nothing significant, she could concede it. These summers spent in the Southern Islands were the only times she felt really young. 

For her, Hans was synonymous of warmth and fun. No lessons, little protocol. Just two teens enjoying what the best season had to offer. 

Of course it wouldn't be the same here. She was no longer just a princess. But she had so much to tell him. To share with him. 

The future looked so bright. 


	10. I'm starting to think that I never actually had you

Hans had not changed. In almost two years, his stature had grown and he wasn't really a boy anymore, but, for her, he was still the boy with flaming hair with whom she ran in the fields without worrying about the consequences. 

"You clean up well."

He had everything of a noble. Shiny from buttons to boots. 

"You're not so bad yourself, Your Majesty."

The seriousness did not last long. Anna felt her lips stretch into an uncontrollable smile. She gave in, springing from the throne in a burst of laughter. Hans greeted her with a warm embrace. 

"I missed you, mate."

Even now, he smelled like summer for her. Salt, wind and sunshine clinging to his jacket. 

"I would have liked to be there for the coronation. I'm sorry."  
"It's not your fault. Sailing was still too dangerous."  
"Still. With the lost of the king on top of that... How are you ?"

He was probably the first one to sincerely ask her about it. And the only one she could've been honest with. Yet she chooses to be evasive. The king had already taken up too much space. 

"Long story short, I'm okay now."

Hans really didn't seem convinced but he must have felt he wouldn't get more for now. He just smiled, letting her go. 

"I won't assume you have a lot of time for me.What's the plan ?"

She apologized for that with a smile. 

"I assumed you would like to rest. Gerda can show you your room. But join me tonight. There is someone you need to meet."  
"Ooh, mysteries, you know I like that."  
"Idiot."

Suddenly more serious, Anna caught his gaze. 

"Don't be too you. Please. She's special."

Something almost tender passed in his eyes, soft fingers barely brushing Anna's cheek. 

"Don't worry. I'm a gentleman, after all."

* * *

The little dining room, the one where she usually ate her meals alone, was delightfuly animated. Anna had chosen this place, hoping that Elsa would feel more comfortable here than in a more formal decor. 

"You seem distracted, mate."

Hans had interrupted his story, seeing her take another look at the closed door. 

She forced herself to give him a smile in response. Truthfully, she was a little anxious. She hadn't had the opportunity to see Elsa today and she was late for dinner. The princess had accepted to be present yesterday, Gerda had even confirmed earlier, but she had this funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

_Maybe it is to early for this. Meeting a new person._

But it was Hans and she wanted to bring together two people who meant a lot to her.

When the doors opened, after a light knock, she was almost surprised to see Elsa and not a servant canceling for her. 

"Oh my. It is..?"

Before she can do anything, say anything even, Hans was on his feet. Bridging the distance at an alarming speed. 

"Princess Elsa ?"

Even from the back, Anna could see him smile brightly. 

"It's been so long. For an instant I thought my eyes were deceiving me."

_Wait, what ?_

"Is it the special someone you were talking me about ?"

Dumbly, Anna nodded when he turned around. She was just lost. Elsa and Hans knew each other ?

_Of course, they knew each other, he's two years older than you, idiot._

"Where are my manners ?"

Anna watched the scene unfold like slow motion. 

While she got lost in stupid thoughts, Hans had delicately taken Elsa's hand in his, brushing an invisible kiss against her glove. 

And worst, Elsa let him do it. She even tilted her head in a bow, an amiable smile stretching her lips.

_What is happening ?_

There was like a constant hum in her ears. The conversation taking place a few steps away completely escaping her. Her eyes were fixed on Elsa without actually seeing her. 

A drum had replaced her heart in her chest. The beat too fast and loud. 

Anna couldn't put her mind in order. A storm reigned there, leaving more and more confusion in its wake. 

What- Why ?

The emotions boiling in her guts contradicted each other and she felt suffocated under their pressure. 

A spark of blue suddenly caught her attention and she found herself lost at sea for a fraction of second. Elsa had met her gaze over Hans's shoulder. 

The blink of an eye later, she felt herself breathing again. She exhaled in a shiver who ran from head to toe. 

With a trembling hand, Anna took her glass and emptied it in two long sips. Yet she remained hidden behing its edge, scrutinizing the two other occupants of the room. 

Elsa was different. Not totally different but she seemed more confident. In control maybe ? She only shared a little shyness with the girl who usually spent her evenings with Anna. Something in her smile and the bowing of her head.

_It doesn't make any sense._

Hans spoke loudly, took up a lot of space, had even touched her, but she didn't appear scared. She hadn't withdrawn as she still did too often with Anna. She hadn't shuddered when the man's laughter escaped loudly. Instead, she gave a little laugh too, sharing what must have been a joke. A pleasant little sound who made Anna clench her fist. 

_I should be happy, right ? That's what I wanted. For Elsa and Hans to be friends._

But she hadn't expected this. A reminder that _she_ was the problem. That Elsa feared _her_ , not the whole world.

* * * 

The meal had ended as it had started. With Hans monopolizing the conversation and Elsa nodding along, sometimes relauching him with a word or two. 

Anna stayed mostly silent, picking at her food, without anyone caring for her sudden moodiness. Staying had already been an effort but she was the queen and Hans was her friend. She however took the first opportunity to slip away, leaving the prince with an awkward hug and barely acknowledging the princess bow. 

"I don't want to be disturbed tonight."

Astrid was taking care of the fire when she entered her room. The maid straightened up quickly, sensing her mood, and nodded. 

"By anyone."

The queen added, briefly looking at the woman to be sure that the order had been understood. This implied : even the princess.

"Now, out."

Once alone, she collapsed in one of the comfortable armchair by the fireplace, her gaze lost in the flames. 

"What a fool I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yupe, five months, I know, sorry xD But I'm not giving up on this story, don't worry.  
> And also sorry for this chapter, I think ? Not the best for the girls but needed for the next step.


	11. Feelings I thought was set in stone

_The scene was familiar._

_The snow was dancing around her. Shiny flakes accompanying each of her movements. The wind like a caress and the cold nipping gently at her skin._

_Anna loved it, had never understood the others's complaints. The danger they all saw. Of course, winter was the harshest season and brought its share of problems but summer too. The soft flurry who tickled her nose was not worth less than the heating presence of the sun._

_Even in the middle of a blizzard, snow obscuring her view, she felt safe. The violence of the storm all around but never touching her. Not like an armor was surrounding her, rather as if the blizzard itself was protecting her. She had come to think so. To see a threat, but beyond the curtain of white flakes._

_After all, the cold had never burned her like the others. Had never hurt her._

_But, this time, it was different._

_This time, she noticed that she was alone. The roaring of the wind barely breaking the silence._

_She had always been alone in the blizzard but she had never felt it like that. Something was missing. A presence in the snow itself._

_"Where are you ?"_

_A voice asked the blizzard, strangely familiar._

_"Don't leave me too."_

_The snow huddled on her cape, making her weigh heavily on her shoulders. She sensed something uncomfortable nagging at her skin, the feeling more and more disturbing. Like needles seeking to pierce her skin._

_For the first time, Anna understood the unforgiveness of the cold._

* * *

The pressure on her shoulder was insistent. 

With a start, Anna was ripped off of her frosty dream by the warm palm of Astrid. The maid observed her anxiously, her hand never leaving her arm.

"Are you alright, Your Majesty ?"

Anna understood two things. She had fallen asleep in the armchair, still dressed, the fire now dead in the hearth, and she was crying. Quickly, she wiped away the tears, groaning when pain aroused in her neck. 

"I'm fine."

She was too shaken up to care about the harshness in her voice who was enough to make Astrid back down. 

"I don't need help today."  
"Should I bring in your meal ?"  
"I'm not hungry."

She was craving loneliness, not food. 

Planted in front of the window, she contemplated the courtyard, almost surprised to find it washed in golden rays of sun and not obscured by snow. 

The dream was still too present in her mind. A chill remaining in her bones and flakes of snow dancing behind her eyelids every time she closed her eyes. 

She hadn't planned to train today but a change of plan seemed vital. Anna hoped the efforts would drive away the shivers and would allow her to find a little peace of mind. 

She put on a more suitable outfit before venturring to the barracks.

Finding Hans here wasn't planned. She grimaced, almost hesitant to turn around, but the guilt caught up with her quickly. It wasn't her friend's fault if she was a little too emotional this morning. It wasn't even Elsa's fault. She had been foolish to believe that what had been broken could be fixed. 

A blade in hand, the man was training alone, his shirt abandoned on a fence. Anna noted the bulging of his muscles, the precision of his movments. She wasn't the only one who got better.

"I'm too good looking for you, mate."

He teased as a greeting. Hans had remained his friend because there had never been any ambiguity between them. He was handsome, she couldn't say otherwise but it didn't stir anything in her. She recognized his beauty as she would do with other pretty people or things.

"You wish."

The answer came easily, The banter were nothing new. 

"Want a sparring partner ?"

Anna had already grabbed a pratice sword on the rack, waving it around a bit to warm up her body. 

"I don't know. Will Her Majesty's ego be able to recover from the lose ?"  
"Don't be so pretentious, Hans. I can beat you with a hand behing my back."  
"Who's pretentious now ?"

When she got into position, her sword slinding slowly against her friend's, Anna realized she wasn't planning to lose. She had always been competitive, the spirit drilled in her by the old King, but she could appreciate a good sparring match. She approached this fight a little too seriously this time.

Hans understood it at her first strike. He had been forced to pull back to absorb the violence of the impact and she didn't give him time to recover. The next blow was already here. She hit again and again, just like Ser Bjorn had taught her. Light on her feet and movements fast. Damages piling to compensate for her stature. 

"Oy. Easy, mate."  
"Too much for you ?"

She growled in effort, swords clashing a little too close to Hans's face. 

The challenge had its effect. Hans changed his strategy, returning each hit with force. Anna felt herself smile, licking at her lips and tasting salt. She preferred it. Even taking hits calmed little by little the storm that roared in her. 

"You seem upset."

Hans tried when the rhythm of the fight calmed down a bit. The exchange less brutal, more friendly. Fatigue played its part. 

The queen did not answer, her grip tightening around the pommel to chase the shakiness. 

Her friend only shook his head, giving up the idea of making her talk. Sometimes, Anna's shell could be hard to get past. Pushing her was the worst her could have done when she was in this state. 

"I was thinking of asking your dear sister to show me around the gardens today. Do you mind ?"

The subject could not have been more poorly chosen. 

Hans's weapon clattered to the ground before Anna understood her gesture. She hid her fit with a fake smile.

"Not at all. It's a great day for a walk."

She swallowed back the bitter taste in her mouth. Even if it was their thing to walk aimlessly around.

\- - -

She was not hiding. She wasn't running away either. It was a coincidence that she was particularly busy these days. That she no longer had time for tea in the evening. Or to spent time with Hans. She had good reasons to refuse all his attempts for a stroll or a discussion. After all, it was spring and she barely had the time to have supper with them. It was also a total coincidence if she turned around everytime she saw Elsa or her friend in the hallways. All pretexts were good. She had absolutely not asked Kai to shadow her, a reminder at the edge of his lips for her to hurry for a meeting every time she found herself in front of them. 

No. All of this was just a succession of random events because the queen wasn't a coward. 

And, let's be honest, even if it was the case, Anna did not hurt anyone with that attitude. Except herself. Yes, she was miserable. The habits acquired during all these weeks with Elsa positively impacted her routine. Even on the longest days, breaks were scheduled, forcing her to breathe a little before diving once again in her work. 

But now she was alone and working too hard was a good way to forget it. To not think about all that was wrong and the reasons why things were like that. 

Anna isolated herself and she hated to admit the fact that it was her own fault. There were people around her ready to support her but she had closed the door because she couldn't stand to see those very people together. 

When, days later, there was a knock on her study door, she jumped, suddenly snatched from an unplanned nap. It was dark around her, night had fallen outside, and a muted pain persisted in her neck. She must have dozed off for two hours and, with the order not to be disturbed still in force, no one had been there to wake her up. 

And, yet, someone was at the door. 

She growled something that vaguely resembled a enter. 

It was Hans, handsome as usual, and she felt shitty beside him with the trace of sleep on her face, her tangled hair and maybe a touch of ink on her skin. 

"We need to talk."

She found him too serious as he settled into a seat in front of her desk. In reaction, Anna straightened, her regal posture offering her some form of courage. Her title like a shield of dignity. 

She nodded but it took Hans a while to get started. Despite the air of confidence, he pondered his words. 

"I know it's only been a few days but you know how these things are."  
"These things ?"  
"Well... Love."

To tell the truth, Anna didn't know. There hadn't been much room for love in her life. As a child, she had dreamed of pretty princes on white horses but it didn't last long. She had been attracted to people but it wasn't love. Not even a mere crush. 

So, no, she did not know, but the question did not even arise. 

Her mind got stuck on something else. The implication of his words too easy to understand. Dread coiled in her belly, all warning flags rising in her head. An invisible hand had even started to squeeze her heart. 

Anna didn't want to hear the rest. But the queen nodded again. 

"I'm fond of your sister, Anna. I didn't expect to feel such a connection one day. We just clicked. I wish I had more time for courting but I can't stay here forever and I don't think my heart can take such uncertainty. I'm here to ask you for her hand."

Anna felt herself falling. As if she had been pushed from a cliff, the wind rushing around her. She couldn't even see the ground, there was only this darkness, like an abyss ready to swallow her. 

He must have taken her silence for an invitation because he continued. 

"I know, I know, I take advantage of our friendship, but you know me. You know I would treat her well. And an alliance between Arendelle and the Southern Isles would be good for everyone. Think about it. Our two people united."

Hans was going to take Elsa away from her. 

The irony was cruel. She had been so happy when she receveid the letter. So full of certainties. But now ? Now, she couldn't help but think that she had been happy before he came. When it was just Elsa and her. 

Hans was going to take Elsa away from her. 

After everything that happened. All her efforts. The chaotic road traveled to find out the truth. 

Hans was going to take Elsa away from her and she was going to be alone again. 

Except, Hans couldn't do it without her permission. He was asking her today because she had the power here. The power over Elsa. 

Her friend had come to touch something dark in her with this request. Awakening a somber truth. 

She wouldn't let Elsa slip between her fingers again. She was no longer a child incapable to keep sand in her hand. She could protect what was precious to her. 

"No."

She hadn't even thought about it. The possibility of a wedding or the advantage of an alliance. Hadn't even considered the fact that Hans was a good match or that, with his place in the line of succession and Elsa's status of heir to the crown, they would have stayed in Arendelle. The deal could have been perfect. Her sister and her best friend, together, here, with her. 

"Mate... Please, think about it."

He had risen, suddenly agitated. 

"Talk to your sister."

At another time, she would found his attitude strange but she only had the strength to feel relieved to see him go. 

In the new found calm of her office, Anna heard something breaking inside her. Not a clean break. It was like she was standing on the ice and the surface began to crackle before giving in under her weight. Rather than swallow her, the water had brought her a form of dangerous clarity. 

The feeling was just as suffocating. 

It wasn't right. Something in her wasn't right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Elsanna in this one either, but it's an important one. And slightly longer :3


End file.
